am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
please come you make the beer taste better
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize