is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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