I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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