Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
