I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
