What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
