will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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