i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
