Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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