I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize