no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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