Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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