Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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