You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
