he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
