My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
