Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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