i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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