Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
