so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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