why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
