I bet he comes in French.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
