I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
