His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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