Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
