My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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