Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
