you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
