I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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