Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
