Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
