Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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