why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FUCK WHALES
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
