If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
