Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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