Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the condom got lost in my hair
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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