you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
