He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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