fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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