I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You ruined the universe
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
