I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I want to fling myself into the sun
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize