wat bout pragnant strippers??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
