i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize