I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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