theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize