Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
