Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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