Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
