We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
