those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
