does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
