i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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