It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
the raccoons are back...
Randomize