i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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