Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
