would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
