Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
