So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
