It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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