is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
