If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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