You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
