what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
