im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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