Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
