Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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