Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
