Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
