dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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