i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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