She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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