What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
