I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
there is puke in my bra ... again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
