Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
