actually, I'm a sock model
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
