They should really pass out barf bags in church
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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