New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
