i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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