I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize